I'm Afraid
by Maggie Stark
Summary: What would happen if a girl switched factions into Dauntless? And what would happen if said girl was so phobic it was bordering on the neurotic? I may mention the canons, but it will be generally OC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_Shhh_

The only thing I can hear is the sound of the blood dripping through my fingers and sizzling on the live coals.

_Shhh_

It is truly amazing that a room full of people can be so completely silent.

_Shhh_

It must come as an enormous shock to them all. I am the stereotypical Erudite girl. My brother was initiated into Erudite five years ago, and my parents before him, and my grandparents before them, and so on. There have been no transfers in my family for many generations. I can see the disappointment scrawled across their faces from where I stand, and the seething anger masked just below it.

_Shhh_

Finally, the blood flow slows. I didn't mean to, but I must have cut my hand deeper than I thought. I clutch my red fingers to my chest and hurry back to my seat. As they call out the names of the other initiates to choose their factions, I can't help but think: I am not Chole Larson, the Erudite. Not anymore. I am Chole, the Dauntless initiate, and there is no going back.

* * *

Before I know it, I have joined a group of Dauntless and, following the example of the other initiates, begin running. I have no idea where we are going, or what we are doing, but one thing is sure: I am going to die. Why did I join Dauntless again? I have to keep reminding myself. I must get over my fears. I must get over my fears. I try to stop thinking, to just go with the flow and run, but for an Erudite who's done nothing but think her whole life, that proves to be quite the difficult task.

By the time we reach the train tracks, I am breathless from running and my feet already hurt. I hope we won't have to do this too often.

Then I hear it. The sound of the train rushing towards us. And now I know what we're doing here. They expect us to jump on this train, while it's moving. I glance around at the other initiates. The Dauntless-born seem confident. That is to be expected, they have probably been hopping trains since the time they could walk. Some of the other transfers look nervous, but I'm sure none are as terror-stricken as myself.

But then there is no more time to think. The other initiates have rushed by me to get on the train. The panic is like nails in my feet. What if I don't make it? I force myself to move by telling myself that the probability of me making it onto the train is greatly increased by actually trying. I run beside the metal beast, breathing labored, and stretch out my hand. I grasp the handle on the side of the open car, but I can already feel the tugging in my feet. I won't make it. The other initiates look down at me from the car, some calling out to me, encouraging me, others stare in scornful silence. When I have given up hope and am accepting the fact that the last thing I will see will be the wheels of the train as they run me over, a hand stretches out a clasps tightly on my forearm. I am wrenched, inch by inch, into the car.

As I lay on the floor of the train, breathing heavily, I feel a throbbing in my arm where the person pulled me in. Though I know I will be bruised, I am nothing but grateful. I open my eyes slowly and see a hand stretched out in front of me. I take the offered assistance and stand, looking at the person who saved my life.

She is an Amity girl (which explains why she was so quick to help me), tall and strong-looking, with chin-length brown hair falling into her eyes. She quickly brushes the hair out of her eyes and gives me a wide smile. "You alright? I thought for sure you'd be toast." She laughs a little, and I can't help but like her immediately. While everyone else in Dauntless is intimidating, she seems nice enough.

I give a sheepish smile. "Yes, thanks for helping me. My name's Chole."

She laughs some more, the sound bubbling from her lips easily. "Geez, you don't have to be so formal. I'm Reese." She sits down and I slide into place next to her. I look down at my hands and see that they are bright red and some of the skin was ripped from the palms from trying to hold onto the moving train. I rub them together to try and make them stop stinging. Reese glances at me and gives a sad smile. "It's none of my business, but you should try to toughen up a little in the next couple of days. Initiation is dangerous. I heard that not everyone makes it out."

"Yes, well, thank you for your vote of confidence." It is clear that she doesn't think I'll last must longer. "I thought the Amity were supposed to be nice," I joke.

She laughs and turns to face me. "Yeah, well why do you think I switched out?" She pauses then, and looks more serious. "I didn't mean to scare you or anything you know. I just meant, us transfers, we need to stick together, right? I hear it's pretty stiff competition."

I become more concerned at this. Competition? What competition? "Where did you hear that?"

"Oh, from my brother. He transferred to Dauntless last year. He didn't pass initiation." She waves her hand like it's nothing, but I can tell that she wants to change the subject. Luckily, there is a commotion coming from the other initiates to distract us. I hear worried murmurs coming from the transfers especially.

"We have to jump...?"

"To a building..."

"We're so high up..."

Before I have time to fully process the meaning of their words, some of the Dauntless-born initiates have already begun to jump. Now the pieces of the puzzle are starting to click together. They aren't going to stop the train. Trying to jump onto a moving train is difficult enough, but getting off is a whole different story. I have done the math, and it's considerably more dangerous. Before I have time to freak myself out further, Reese grabs my hand. "Stick together, right?" I give her a small smile and am about to say 'on three?' when she jumps, pulling me with her.

* * *

I am almost certain that I will drag her down, that the unexpected dead weight will throw her off. She lands on the edge of the roof, but I continue to swing. The concrete wall rushes to meet my face, but I instinctually throw my legs out in front of me, stopping myself. I now hang by only my arm from the side of a building. I don't know exact dimensions of this building, but I know that it's high, higher than I have ever been without being safely enclosed within walls. I feel the deathly hand of panic gripping my chest, and I know that it's only a matter of time before I completely lose it. I start up a mantra, repeating to myself: Don't look down. Don't look down. Over and over again, I say it in my head. I can't resist one tiny peek, though. I glance down for merely a second, and am overcome with a sense of nausea. Oh, please, God, don't let me throw up now. It's bad enough that I was the only initiate who didn't make it onto the roof. I feel like I am a million stories up in the air, and I'll never get back down.

Then, the same steady hand that pulled me onto the train starts hauling me over the edge of the roof. My feet immediately scrabble at the wall and with our combined efforts, I make it to safety. I suck in shallow breaths and try to calm myself while Reese laughs. "Scared of heights, are we?"

I turn to glare at her. "No! A fear a heights is illogical," I snap. In a quieter voice, I mumble, "A fear of falling from said heights, however, is completely rational." Apparently, my death stare is not very intimidating, as Reese chuckles on. I stand and push my glasses up my nose. "Why did you do that? You could have... warned me at least!" She must have known I would drag her down, she let me dangle from the side of a building like that on purpose. I didn't know Amity girls could be so cruel.

"Please," she says rolling her eyes. "If you had it your way, we would still be on that train. I knew if we waited any longer, we'd never get off, so I jumped. Sue me." She sounds sarcastic, but I know the malice isn't genuine. We smile at each other and turn to find out what we're going to be doing next. I pray that it will be easier than this, but I don't think it will. I get the feeling that it's going to be an uphill battle from here.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **Hello, world! This second chapter is mostly just Chole's internal battle while getting into the compound, and extremely brief introductions for the rest of the characters towards the end. This is my first fan fiction, so I'd love it if you would read and review. No flames, but if you'd like to leave some constructive criticism, I'll send you a virtual hug!

**Chapter Two**

After a quick examination, I decide that I'm going to survive. Despite the dangerous circumstances, I actually made it onto the roof with very minimal damage. Perhaps a couple bruises on my legs, but nothing to complain about. I'm alive, which is more than I expected. I look up and see the group ahead of me focused on something happening in front of them. I automatically move forward, curious and terrified at the same time.

A girl is waving her arms over her head trying to get our attention. As I look at her, I realize she doesn't look like any girl I have ever seen from Erudite. I knew the Dauntless looked different from us, but so far everyone I've seen has looked relatively normal. The girl in front of us, however, is clearly trying to stand out. Her dirty blonde hair has fine lines of indigo streaking through it. This is the first thing that catches my eye, but it's certainly not the only thing. I can see the sunlight glinting of the metal piercings in her eyebrow, nose, and lip, even from the distance that I stand. Finally, her entire right arm is etched in tribal tattoos. I can see more ink than skin. At first, I am disgusted. How could anyone do that to their body? But I must admit, I am fascinated. What are the meanings behind the tattoos? What state of mind must someone be in to be compelled to pierce their flesh with metal bars? For a moment, I wonder what it would be like if I did that. The thought disappears quickly, though. I could never go through with it. I am much too squeamish about needles for that.

Then the girl starts speaking, increasing the volume of her voice to be heard over the murmuring of the crowd. "Listen up, everyone! Hey, you in the back!" She directs her stare at a couple of boys who are shoving each other around and laughing. They immediately snap to attention at the sound of her authoritative voice, and I know she must have some influence among the Dauntless. "Better," she nods, satisfied, before continuing. "I'm Xander, and I'm in charge around here. Well, at least in charge of the initiates." She smiles, and her voice softens. She seems nice enough, so perhaps this experience won't be as bad as I first assumed. "Let's get one thing straight before we begin. I won't go easy on you, just 'cause you're new. I have a low tolerance for weaklings, so you all better toughen up if you want to survive." Some cheers rise up from the Dauntless around me, but I just stare in stunned silence. I stand corrected. This will be worse than I assumed.

"Now, let's get down to business, shall we?" Xander asks with a smirk, and another round of cheers goes up. "Below us is the way in to the compound. If you can't man up and jump, then you should leave right now. Initiates first." I don't hear most of what she just said. I am too caught up in the first sentence. She really expects us to jump? Off a_ building_? This is insanity! I am starting to question why I came here in the first place, and even begin to legitimately consider leaving. Being factionless might not be so bad. It would be better than being dead, anyway. I don't have time to pursue this train of thought, though, as I feel hands pressing against my back. I am ushered to the front of the crowd, along with Reese and a couple others whom I recognize as initiates, too.

Reese rushes ahead, childish enthusiasm written all over her face. Without a second's hesitation, she walks up to the edge of the building and promptly steps off. I hear a hysterical giggle, the pitch increasing as Reese gets farther and farther away, before the sound is cut off. What happened? Did she hit the ground? I didn't hear it. Would she make a sound if she had fallen, or were we high enough that she would be killed on impact? I rush to the end of the roof and peer over the ledge. All I see is an ominous spot of darkness on the ground far below.

This must be the entrance. I wondered what happened when you fell through, how they kept you from being squashed flat on the concrete. I supposed I would find out soon enough. I stepped back, preparing to wait my turn, but felt a fist nudge my back. I looked up into Xander's piercing dark eyes. I can see a smirk playing around her lips, and without her saying anything, I know this is a challenge. She doesn't believe I will do it. "Well, newbie?" she asks, clearly trying to contain her glee at the look of horror that must be evident on my face. "You gonna jump, or just stand there like a chicken?"

I refuse to bow down to this feeble-minded girl who thinks she is so superior to me. I will not allow myself to be intimidated. It doesn't matter the fear I may feel, I cannot back down now. If I was not able to complete this simplest of tasks, then I would have been better off staying in Erudite; and I refuse to admit that I was wrong. I'm never wrong.

I move forward again, lining up the toes of my shoes parallel to the edge of the building. I lean forward to look towards the ground, and my stomach flips at the sight. Even though I have already seen it, I am still paralyzed at the height. My fingers curl into fists at my side and I steel myself. I must do this. So I don't turn and bolt, run back home to my family like I so much want to do. Despite what my instincts are screaming inside my head, I close my eyes and take a step forward.

* * *

Even though I know what's coming, my breath still catches in my throat when my feet hit open air. I feel the tug of gravity on my body and my arms flail reflexively to catch my balance. I topple forward, turning head over heels as I fall. I think I might scream if I had any air left in my lungs. I can practically hear my heart pounding as the wind whistles through my ears, whips my hair around my face, pins my clothes to my body. I am more helpless than I have ever been in my life. There is nothing I can do but let nature take its course.

It feels as if I have been falling for a millennia, but just as I am getting used to it, a crushing weight presses onto my back and the wind is knocked out of me. I lay there for a few moments, struggling for breath, and mindlessly wonder if I have missed the entrance, hit the ground, and am now dying. My fingers grope over my face, trying to feel if my skull has been smashed into the concrete. As soon as I am assured that I am very much alive, I begin to struggle to my feet.

I hear a familiar laugh as Reese grabs my arm and tugs me up onto solid ground. I wonder how many more times I will depend on her to pull me along. I hope this will be the last, but I fear that it's only the beginning. "You all right there?" she asks. Once she finished laughing at me, I think she was genuinely concerned at the waxy pallor of my skin and the look of sheer terror on my face.

I take a moment to gather my bearings before answering. "Y-yes, I think so." I tried to sound sure and confident, but my voice came out mousy and afraid. I try again. "I'm perfect," I say, my voice coming out steadier this time. I even manage a small smile.

A girl from Dauntless comes up and asks my name, and I tell her that I am Chole. She shouts it out again for the crowd gathered, and they let out a whooping cheer.

I can't help but smile at this. All these people are really cheering for me? For my bravery? I have never been considered brave, but the adrenaline of the jump is coursing through my veins, and I begin to feel that perhaps I will fit in here. I cheer along with them, and Reese slaps my back and pumps her fist in the air. I have no time to revel in my victory, however, as another body falls from the heavens and is deposited into the net.

One by one, all the initiates make the jump. I am careful to keep track of names and faces. If this is really a competition, I will need to know my competitors. After me is intimidating Darren, an average boy named Alex, a tough-looking girl named Robin, petite Mirella, and a pretty girl called Tiah. Next are twins Shawn and Seth, one after the other, and finally, an ashy blonde boy who introduces himself as Mace. When all of us have landed safely, Xander materializes out of the crowd. She gives a sickeningly sweet smile and shouts, "Welcome to Dauntless!" The crowd erupts in another fit of triumphant cheering, and I yell just as loud as the rest. Maybe this won't be as bad as I first suspected.


End file.
